Odds of Ends
by Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs
Summary: Behold the alternate endings of the Zelda games, covering a wide range of genres and lengths. Submit your own idea today!
1. Ocarina of Time: The Ploy

_As a celebration of my wonderful birth, I am unveiling this new story. Basically, one day, I thought up a few alternate endings to several Zelda games. I naturally wrote them down and here we stand._

_If anyone has any ideas for alternate endings tell me and if they're good and I can make material out of them I'll make them. It takes only a few minutes and doesn't take away from any other projects, so send in your suggestions!_

_Published February 2, 2011 _

**Ocarina of Time: The Ploy**

Link sprinted up the stairs to Ganondorf's keep, his sword slick with the blood of the madman's many monsters. Every monster thrown at him had fallen; all that remained was the mastermind.

His trusted companion Navi flew just behind him. "You know, I thought that Ganondorf would have had a lot more monsters in here," she said. "We only faced twenty or so."

"I'm not complaining," Link panted, slowing his running. "I think he wants to deal with me personally."

They reached the final door. Link dramatically threw it open, revealing a golden room full of beautiful stain glass windows. However, the room was empty. "Where is he?"

Without warning the whole castle began to rumble. "What's going on?" Navi shouted, feeling the tremors increase in magnitude.

Outside, Ganondorf calmly watched as his castle dropped into the lava, sinking quickly. He nodded contently and turned to the captured Princess Zelda. "And that's the end of your hero."

Zelda watched the last few bubbles of air escape from the molten rock. "Did you just destroy your own castle?"

"Mhm. Kid's dead too." He sat down at the large pipe organ which he had made sure to save before sinking his ship. "What song should I play?"

"You didn't even try to fight him, you just sunk the whole thing..."

"Yup, I'm a bastard. Any song requests?"

Zelda glared at him before reluctantly muttering, "Desert Sunset..."

"Ah, a fine choice." Ganondorf pointed at a nearby Red Bubble. "You, go down there and retrieve his arm." As the Bubble left he cracked his knuckles, placing his fingers on the keys. "I'm so great."

Fighting isn't always the best solution. When uncertain, it is always an option to perform an action that ensures certain victory. No matter the methods, to the winner goes the spoils!


	2. Majora's Mask: Brainstorming

_Wow, that was a hell of a lot of responses so quickly. Thanks for all the ideas, I'm working on some and have several others already done. In the meantime, here's a chapter that I had written almost immediately after the first._

_Published February 3, 2011 _

**Majora's Mask: Brainstorming**

"You're a fool Viscen!" Mutoh the carpenter shouted at the head of the guards. "You're letting these rumours get to you! Do you really think the moon will fall?" He looked at the mayor. "You're reasonable sir, surely you won't fall for this foolishness?"

"Giant moon!" Viscen cried in desperation, making a giant circle with his arms. "Getting bigger! Evil face! Have you looked up at all over these last few days?"

"You're as paranoid as a songbird. The moon is not going to fall!"

One of the soldiers to Viscen's rear nervously raised his hand. "Um, excuse me..."

They either ignored him or just plain didn't hear his words. "It isn't paranoia when it's a thousand times closer and grew eyes!"

"Excuse me," the soldier said, speaking louder and during a moment wherein everyone was quiet. All eyes turned to the man. "I-I have an idea..."

-The final hours-

Link approached the Clock Tower, prepared for the final showdown. At midnight he would go up through the carnival door and play the Oath to Order. Hopefully, the giants would be able to do something, ANYTHING!

Before he could take another step the town became filled with soldiers and carpenters, all transporting large metal struts. "What's going on?"

"Stand back kid," Viscen said, looking at the proceedings around him with pride. "We'll handle that moon."

The carpenters quickly assembled a giant trampoline using the struts and some stretchy fabric. About ten minutes later the moon hit the trampoline, stretching it until the structure finally threw the rock back into the sky. It flew back to where it should be and was sucked back into orbit, returning things to normal.

Fortunately, before being thrown back, the moon crushed the Skull Kid. The mask was not found on its body but no one cared as the moon was gone. Much celebration ensued.

"Well, we accomplished a lot," Link said, sighing loudly.

"What works works," Tatl said. "It's too bad that Skull Kid got killed. Once you get past the apocalyptic tendencies he wasn't that bad. He was pretty fun. He could bake a kickass chocolate cake."

"Hello Link." Link jumped, jerking around and seeing the Happy Mask Salesman standing right behind him. "I knew things would work out. Were you able to retrieve my mask?"

"Uh, about that..."

Viscen and Mutoh observed the Carnival of Time from the tower balcony. "It looks like everything worked out in the end," Viscen announced, nodding happily.

"Yes it did my friend, yes it did." They high-fived.

Regardless of the situation, non-contemporary tactics are still a possible solution. It would be best to remember that there are multiple options in your future endeavours!


	3. Legend of Zelda: The True Mastermind

_This is the last chapter from my own ideas... at the moment. This was an idea I had in my mind from the very beginning so you can imagine that I'm eager to share it. Without further ado, here's an alternate ending to the original Legend of Zelda! Remember to submit any ideas you have, I'm eager to write._

_Published February 4, 2011 _

**Legend of Zelda: The True Mastermind**

The silver arrow struck Ganon right between the eyes. He barely lived long enough to stagger before falling to the ground, twitching feebly for his last moments. Link slowly lowered his bow, making sure to stab the corpse a few times just to be sure.

It was then that he noticed a door concealed against the back wall. Link entered it, saying, "Princess Zelda? Are you in here?"

A clap echoed through the darkness. "I commend you for your skills, Link. Gathering the Triforce of Wisdom, killing Ganon; you're a courageous young one."

Link faintly recognized the voice but it took until his eyes adjusted to see who was speaking. "You're... Impa?"

"Yes, it is I, Impa," the old woman said, smiling at him.

"But... where's the Princess? Why are you in here?"

"The Princess? She's back in her castle. I doubt that she even knows anything is happening."

"Huh?" Link stepped back, greatly confused. "But you said she was here... Why did-"

"Oh use your head for a moment," Impa snapped, her voice showing her rising impatience. "I'll give you a few hints: you conveniently found me surrounded by weak monsters and then gathered the Triforce of Wisdom under the pretence that Princess Zelda was waiting for you. Afterwards, Princess Zelda is not here. You then killed Ganon, taking his Triforce of Power."

"You... you tricked me into getting Wisdom and Power for you!"

"So you've finally caught on." Without warning Impa burst forward, fist drawn back. With just a few punches Link was on the ground and Impa stood above him, the two Triforce parts in her hand. "Good. And as I coincidentally obtained the Triforce of Courage earlier, I have _all three_!" She turned, thrusting the pieces together. They exploded in light, forming a massive triangle forged from the three smaller but still pretty large triangles. Its brilliant light illuminated the room. "The Triforce!"

Link struggled to his feet, still shocked on how quickly the old woman had decimated him in combat. He drew his sword, staggering forward in an attempt to stop her.

"Too late, boy!" She laid her hand upon the relic. "Triforce, grant my wish! Make me even more powerful than the Goddesses that created you! Make me into an all-powerful deity to whose power, wisdom and courage cannot be compared! MAKE ME A **GOD!**"

A golden glow enveloped Impa, flooding her body with an enormous power. She cackled wildly as the Triforce's glow made her into just what she wished. "UNLIMTED POWAAAAAR!" Link's sword easily decapitated her.

All-powerful or not, having the blood flow to one's brain severed will undoubtedly cause said brain's functions to cease operation, rendering the subject permanently incapacitated. Better luck next ti- Oh wait.


	4. Ocarina of Time: Attack Dog

_Here's the first of the suggestions._

_Published February 12, 2011 _

**Ocarina of Time: Attack Dog**

**Suggested by That guy in the bush**

Link threw open the doors to Ganondorf's chamber, walking into the golden room with his sword drawn. The evil king sat with his back to the hero, calmly playing his organ. "Ganondorf!"

He stopped playing his organ, chuckling lightly. "So you've come. I probably should have just sunk my castle and avoided this mess."

"What?"

"It does not concern you." He stood, turning dramatically to face the Hylian. "All that matters is that all three pieces are now within my grasp. Power... Wisdom... Courage... To obtain the Triforce a balance of all three is required. But why should I work for that when I can just kill you and tear it from your cold, dead body?"

"Blue ball, go!"

"What are you-"

Navi darted forward, crashing head first into Ganondorf's forehead with enough force to send him flying heels over head into his pipe organ. Before he could recover she was upon him, grabbing the Gerudo King by his foot and throwing him into another hard object, this time a wall.

Meanwhile, Link pulled Ganondorf's organ bench over to a wall and sat down, resting his aching legs. There had to be over a thousand stairs in the tower – being a hero was tough sometimes.

Ganondorf staggered to his feet, shocked. "What in the nine levels of hell was that? You're just a fairy! My hair has more mass than your muscles!"

"Explaining it will only create more questions than it will answer," Navi said. "But enough talk. It's on!" She charged.

Ganondorf threw his palm forward, blasting Navi back with a wave of magic. "Don't think that being a god-modded fairy will win the fight for you! I refuse to let it end like this!"

"Refusal refuted!" Navi pushed through the magic, hitting Ganondorf with a vicious uppercut. While airborne she struck out with a roundhouse kick, sending him even higher. For a few moments she juggled him with kicks and punches before sending him flying with a head butt. He was hit upwards with enough force to ricochet off of the roof.

Ganondorf fell back first against the crystal prison holding Zelda. It went right through his armour and flesh, the peak sprouting from his torso. He hung suspended, dramatically showing off his speared body.

"Death... is better than this embarrassment."

The world is full of tiny animals with enough venom to kill a fully grown human. Even the tiniest creature can defeat the largest goliath if god-modded beyond what is physically possible. Were I you, I would keep an eye on those Chuchus. I think they're planning something.


	5. A Link to the Past: Sick Sense of Humour

_Oopsie, forgot to put this one up. Still taking suggestions for the record. I'll probably make a bunch of these sometime soon after all!_

_Published March 6, 2011 _

**A Link to the Past: Sick Sense of Humour**

**Suggested by Anasazi Darkmoon**

"The Triforce is waiting for a new owner. Its golden power is in your hands. Now touch it with a wish in your heart..." The three golden triangles converged on the altar, waiting for contact with Link's flesh.

The hero laid his hand upon the ancient relic. "Oh Goddesses, return this land to how it was before all of these terrible events. Bring back all who fell and let us have another chance at peace!"

There was an immediate response. The Triforce let out a brilliant glow, enveloping Link and the whole world.

Link was awoken by the crash of thunder. He sat up in his bed, glancing around his small house. His Uncle was arming himself in the dark room, fixing his blade upon his belt. "Link, I'm going out for a while," he said. "I'll be back by morning. Don't leave the house." Without another word he left into the rain.

Link could only stare blankly at the door, his eyes wide in recognition. "No..."

A voice sounded in Link's mind.

"_Help me... Please help me._"

"No!"

"_I am a prisoner in the dungeon of the castle. My name is Zelda._"

"It's not true. It's impossible!"

"_Hello? Are you listening to me?_"

"No, _no_..." Link dropped to his knees, letting loose an emotion filled scream of, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

A loud knock sounded on his door. "Keep it down in there!" an angry voice snapped. "Night shift in a storm is hard enough without some privileged little kid screaming about how much things suck for him!"

It is highly likely that greater gods are incredibly bored doing what they do and are thus easily amused by the suffering of others. Should one ever get the chance to receive a favour by these immortal deities be sure to make the wording void of loopholes else they will likely end use your suffering as of method of easing the tediousness of existence.


	6. Minish Cap: Verbosity

_Oh god, that took way too long. I got very distracted and, well, time to get caught up again. Still taking ideas!_

_I definitely deviated from the original idea, I just liked writing Ezlo more this way. I'll be honest and say I haven't played Minish Cap and so I went out of my way to make this as far away from the real ending as possible._

_Published May 1, 2011 _

**Minish Cap: Verbosity is the Bane of Narratives**

**Suggested by Foxpilot**

"Oh, would you look at that!" Ezlo stretched his arms with joy. "It appears that I'm once again in my regular shape and no longer confined to the fabricated prison that Vaati assigned me. The curse has been lifted by the felling of that purple menace. Oh, happy day is today the day!"

Link and Zelda looked to their rear. The castle was almost completely ruined and the corpses of Hylean soldiers lined the halls, the carpets died with blood.

"It seems there was much loss in the conflict waged to defeat the sorcerer. But it matters not. The day is saved and someday the next generation will completely replace those lost in the battle. All is not lost to the despair after all, eh Link?" He nudged Link with his staff, smiling brightly.

"Um, sir," Zelda began, hesitating slightly. What could one say to someone like this? "We may have defeated Vaati, but the people and the land…"

Ezlo laughed, cutting her off. "Say no more." He held up his staff and, in a burst of smoke, the monsters and the citizens of Hyrule all exploded violently. "There we go. No need to worry about anyone, eh?" He began to laugh again, ignorant of the horrified expressions on Link and Zelda's faces. "Well, I'm bored of that. Who wants to go drinking? I know a fantastic spot where we can go to."

The wall behind Ezlo began to shake, the magical door flickering to and from existence. This, of all things, did not go unnoticed by the strange man. "Oh bother, looks like I have to go instead. After all, the Minish door only opens once every hundred years. I'm not really sure who designed that since time is technically a human invented measurement and that's a really long time. Why shouldn't it be once a day? Even a week would be nice. I'd just like a little choice when it comes to these matters."

Zelda loudly cleared her throat, tapping her wrist impatiently.

"Oh yes, the time limit and whatnot. I must say my goodbyes before I enter that door." He turned to Link. "I had a lot of fun on this adventure you know. I experienced things I would never have experienced otherwise, like fighting a giant Chuchu! Those were fun times, weren't they Link? Actually, I think I have an idea on what to give you before I go away. Here, have this homemade hat."

A long, green hat appeared out of thin air, resting itself on Link's cranium.

"There you go. It's a fine hat, isn't it? I know I enjoyed making it. It was originally for my mother but she's a bit dead at this point. Oh well, I never liked her much anyway."

Zelda clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Oh don't worry Princess, you have a parting gift as well." Ezlo pulled a cookie from his pocket and placed it in her hand. "Here you are dear. I don't know how long it's been in there but it should still be good."

The door behind Ezlo faded away, becoming brick wall once again. Zelda stared on in horror as their only chance to be rid of this madman disappeared in front of her. Ezlo didn't seem to notice. In fact, he seemed to forget about leaving completely.

"Since we're all friends now, let's all go have a nice drink!" Ezlo went off through the garden, whistling jovially. Zelda dropped her face into her palms, groaning in frustration.

Whenever an individual that you resent does not acquire the hinted knowledge that you try to impart upon their cranial organs, it is perhaps best to try more fervently to persuade them to walk through the door and disappear from your life forever before the opportunity is wasted. Learn from your mistakes and try harder on the next such occasion.


	7. Twilight Princess: One Push too Far

_I know and acknowledge that I completely ignored a major plot point in the forthcoming chapter, and I also acknowledge the fact that I don't care much. Also, I've decided to segment the 'message at the end of each chapter. I'll fix the older chapters later._

_Published May 2, 2011 _

**Twilight Princess: One Push too Far**

**Suggested by Jke**

"And now, I must return to my kingdom," Midna solemnly announced to her two friends. She, Link and Zelda stood in the mirror chamber of the Arbiter's Grounds, the great mirror looming above them. The setting sun was veiled by the magical artefact, casting a dark shadow befitting of such a farewell. "I do have duties there after all."

"You'll come back to visit, right?" Link asked. He didn't want to lose one of his most trusted friends. He didn't want Midna to just disappear forever.

The Twilight Princess frowned. "Why don't _you_ come visit _me_? I don't think one world has visiting priority over the other."

"Well, er, it's just, you can fly, and I have to walk through a desert..."

"Point taken. Fine, I'll come visit you every so often. But you have to accommodate my every need. I should tell you that I'm a heavy drinker so stay stocked with alcohol at every moment and _never touch it_." That was more like the Midna he was used to. A small smile rose to Link's face; even though this was a goodbye, it wasn't the end.

Midna left the ground, floating toward the mirror. "Well, ciao." She disappeared into its depths.

For a few moments, silence reigned. Only wind blowing through empty temple could be heard.

Zelda walked up to the mirror and laid a hand on the edge. "Is it just me, or is there something off with its supports?"

Link's eyes filtered across the great device. "It looks fine to me."

"Really?" She began to wobble the mirror, bringing it dangerously close to falling over. "I get this feeling that it isn't that well secured."

"P-Princess! Please stop-"

With a great yank, Zelda tipped the mirror. It fell to the ground, almost in slow motion, and with a mighty crash shattered into tiny fragments.

Zelda walked through the shards, past the gapping Link. "That's what happens when you steal my screen time, bi-atch."

* * *

When your fate is entirely determined by the safety and wholeness of a single object, it is vital to have some sort of failsafe in the circumstance that it is damaged in some fashion. This is especially important when there is no way to repair the device. There is no learning from one's mistakes here, only absolute failure. I laugh at your misfortune.


	8. Oracle Series: Slip Up

_This one also had some... minor changes to the original idea, mostly seen in how it ends. I once again thank everyone for the suggestions thus far, seeing as they're basically all that keeps this going, so remember to keep 'em coming! I'd have had this one out earlier but the site was giving me problems with uploading. Also, for some reason, I can't just copy and paste my chapter into a blank upload file like I always used to. Now I'm sad._

_Published May 7, 2011_

**Oracle Series: Slip Up**

**Suggested by RawkHawk2.0**

With a final roar, Ganon fell to the ground, slain by Link's sword. The mindless beast had not been the true King of Evil, merely a brutal amalgamation of power and hatred and, as such, it was significantly easier to fell than the real version would have been under identical circumstances. Zelda's blood had not been used to complete the ritual and the substitute had obviously not done the trick.

The princess let out a sigh of relief once Link confirmed that Ganon was truly dead. "It's finally over," she whispered.

Zelda took a step forward. However, her foot fell into a gathering of particularly moistened soil caused by the absorption of Twinrova's blood. The effect of the muck sliding out from beneath her to escape the compression was too swift for her equilibrium to properly adjust to in time to halt her body's unbalance and a forced descent soon occurred. She fell into the bloody mud.

Link rushed to her side. "Are you all right?" he asked, helping her up.

"I'm fine," Zelda reported. "I only bit my tongue." She spat some blood from her mouth.

It did not occur to her that the blood spilled might possibly result in a reactivation of the revival ritual. However, it had such an effect, and in a flash of light and various other sparkly effects the mighty Ganon stood again, this time fully aware of the happenings around him. The beast grabbed Link and Zelda by the skulls and, before they could react, crashed them together with enough force to send them into the realm of unconsciousness.

"HA! Back at last!" Ganon laughed, raising his trident to the sky. Lightning dramatically struck in the background and foreground.

It is the electrical charges in the foreground which will draw our attention today. You see, Ganon's trident is made of metal. Metal conducts electricity quite well, especially when coupled with a living organism. As such, the lightning saw Ganon as a suitable conduit to use with the intent of discharging its energy into the ground below. With this instinct in mind it hit his trident, killing the beast during its passage.

And there was much bacon for the country to feast on.

* * *

The lesson here is twofold. To begin, when on the site of a ceremony that exists to summon a hellish abomination, it is best to avoid the spilling of fluids that are vital to the completion of said ceremony. The next step to securing survival is to avoid the raising of items which would are palpably known for their conduction of electrical energy during a squall of such. By following what should be well known guidelines, it will be easy to live another day.


	9. Majora's Mask: Not the Preferred Result

_Here's another original, just because I got the idea just now and wanted to get it out. Remember to make a suggestion if you have a good idea!_

_Published May 22, 2011_

**Majora's Mask: Not the Preferred Result**

Link hefted up his heavy shield, deflecting the terrible whip that Majora's Wrath swung at him. The monster attacked again and again and again, only to have him block each and every strike. He was determined. He would save the land from the falling satellite, and this _thing_ would not get in his way!

As Majora's Wrath backed off for a moment Link pulled out his bow, loaded up a light arrow and fired. It struck the being in the sternum and exploded in a fantastic shine, enveloping Majora's Wrath. It screamed in intense agony, falling to a knee and glaring at Link with the hatred and fury of a hundred golden skulltula.

"Now's your chance!" Tatl declared.

Link didn't waste any time. He pulled out his Great Fairy Sword as he sprinted at his foe, intent on finishing the fight with this final blow. The ground shook beneath him as the moon drew even closer to the city, signalling his lack of time.

With a mighty scream, he leapt into the air and brought his sword down, cleaving Majora's Wrath's head in two. Both halves of its head let out a screech and began to shine with an intense light, forcing Link to step back and cover his eyes. The body began floating and slowly disintegrated, glowing brighter than before. Through the light, Link noticed the same was happening to the room around him. Everything went white.

The light began to fade, and Link realized that he was no longer inside the moon. "We did it Tatl!" he exclaimed, glad that it was all over. "We stopped... oh."

They stood in the epicentre of the flaming crater that used to be Clock Town. Rubble was scattered everywhere and the giant red corpses of the land's guardians did not help the image.

"Well... this sucks," Tatl stated without any real emotion.

"Yup."

They stood awkwardly for a few seconds.

Tatl spoke first. "Song of Time?"

"Song of Time."

* * *

When one is working on a time limit based on the thin, flimsy arms of four large men, it is the best plan to proceed quickly and deal with the immediate problem _immediately_ instead of dilly dallying through sub-dungeons due to one's own selfish desires for a great power. Do not count on the strength of others, especially when they have been sleeping for so long, when you can count on yourself!


	10. Ocarina of Time: I'm Good

_Another suggestion that I twisted around for writing convenience. Ta-da!_

**Ocarina of Time: I'm Good**

**Suggested by jioplip**

The door to Ganondorf's throne room was thrown open. Link stumbled inside, sweat and blood dripping onto the golden floor. He doubled over, panting. His wounds throbbed as his lungs heaved air through his body, accelerating his blood flow and forcing the poor teen to lose even more blood.

Ganondorf's deep, booming laughter met his ears, reminding him why he had come. The bastard was probably looking down at him, an ugly sneer on his face as he prepared to taunt the so called Hero of Time. With a burst of adrenaline he brought his head up, raised his sword into the air and let out a battle cry... which fell flat when his eyes met the sight before him.

Ganondorf and Zelda sat around a tea table; the dark king was laughing at something Zelda had just said and the princess was taking a calm sip from her teacup. Having heard his shout she quickly noticed Link.

"Hello Link," Zelda kindly greeted, smiling sweetly. "Come have a seat. We're just having a light discussion."

Link couldn't bring up his dropped jaw to form words.

With a kind smile, Ganondorf turned to the stupefied boy. "Hey there kid. Grab a seat, she's telling me about the time you broke into the castle."

At his words Link returned to reality... sort of. "But you're... big bad... Why are... What's going on?"

"It turns out we had everything wrong about Ganondorf," Zelda explained. "He was chasing me to try to protect me all those years ago. And he didn't curse the Kokiri, Gorons and Zoras, that was his twin brother Gainindolf who he killed."

Ganondorf nodded. "I tried to warn the tribes again after the monarchy fell, but they didn't listen and were hit with horrible curses that had nothing to do with me. I brought Zelda here so we could sit down and have a reasonable talk about the current political situation."

"We're talking about how to restore the previous government. He had been planning on putting me back on the throne but we had misunderstood and I went into hiding, letting the whole system collapse."

It was the most obvious lying Link had ever heard. "You can't be serious!" he cried, lacking the strength to throw his arms up. "He shot me when I tried to protect you! And his people are all evil and follow him!"

"All misunderstandings."

"OH COME ON!"

Zelda sighed. "Link, if you can't discuss things like a mature adult then you should wait outside."

"But-"

"Outside. Now."

Link felt his heart seize for a second. Ignoring the pending stress induced heart attack, he turned around and silently walked out the door. "I'm going to go cast myself into the lava," he muttered, absentmindedly retreating down the staircase.

Ganondorf took a large sip of his tea, grinning the whole time. "Damn I'm good."

* * *

As an evil overlord, sometimes simply lying will be the easiest solution to your problems. Even if you assume your enemy is too intelligent for that, it is usually worth a shot to at least try to trick them. The issue may just solve itself. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but it does not always take a thousand words to describe a picture of a snidely man twirling his moustache.


	11. Majora's Mask: The Next Transformation

_This is another original, just to get me back into it. Requests shall come up soon enough. _

_Published September 20, 2011 _

**Majora's Mask: The Next Transformation**

The whip-wielding fiend wrapped an appendage around Link's torso, hurling him across the room with a mad cackle. "Come on, what's the matter? You were soooo cocky a minute ago, heeheeheeheehee..."

Link spat out a glob of blood, glaring back at his foe. He staggered to his feet, ignoring the overwhelming pain. He said nothing, just raising his shield.

"How touching. He's still trying to fight. Almost brings a tear to my eyes. Oh well, life moves on. Except yours."

Majora grabbed Link, pulling him closer and delivering a roundhouse kick to the face. It erupted into even more laughter as Link bounced off the wall like a ragdoll.

Then something fell on its face. In a flash, the mighty monster was a Deku Scrub. "Eh? What's this bullshit?"

Above him, Tatl pumped her fist into the air. "Mission success!"

Majora reached up, tearing at the mask that trapped it in this shape. "Off! Get off!"

"It's no use," Link chuckled, staggering over to the scrub. "We put double sided tape on the inside! You're stuck like that."

"DIE!"

Link held his foot against Majora's head, stopping the plant's attempt at rushing him. "He's so cute now, eh Tatl?"

"I agree," Tatl giggled, bouncing against the Deku's large head. "Can we keep him?"

A black whip shot from Majora's mouth, lashing against the Hylean's face. Link punted him in retaliation. "We're going to have him neutered first. Can't let him just whip that thing out whenever he pleases, can we?"

"No we can't." Tatl unleashed a flying dropkick on the abomination.

Majora wobbled upright, seething with overflowing anger. "YOU... YOU..."

* * *

Never underestimate the power of transmogrification. To turn your foe into a harmless, fluffy bunny is both a simple way to permanently disable them and provide enormous amounts of personal amusement. Try it out sometime.


	12. Twilight Princess: Teh Awesome

_Remember, there are 14+ Zelda games out there, so lots of endings to be made! _

_Published September 21, 2011 _

**Twilight Princess: Distracted by teh Awesome**

**Suggested by Rotciv421**

A magical barrier appeared around the two combatants, sealing the Dark Lord and the Hero of Twilight within. Ganondorf pointed his luminescent blade at Link, a malicious grin smothering his face. "Draw your sword, _hero_, heh heh heh."

Link matched his grin with a cocky smirk. "I wouldn't be so confident, Ganondorf. I know your only weakness."

"Really." Ganondorf crossed his arms, openly laughing at the hero's proclamation. "Well then, let's see what you have going oh my goddess what is that?" His opponent held the fishing rod in the air, waving it in a tantalizing arc. "Really, are you expecting to do... something... with... something..." Ganon's eyes followed the bobble, mouth hanging open vacantly.

Outside the barrier, Zelda felt the urge to facepalm.

Ganondorf snapped to his senses, staggering back a few steps. "Bah! Whatever you're trying to pull won't work. RAH!" He ran at Link, sword thrust outward.

"Aha!" Link let loose the line, sending it spiralling across the playing field. Ganondorf broke the laws of physics to stare at the line, immediately ceasing his charge. Link took the opportunity to carve his blade into the man's chest several times.

After a moment Ganondorf kicked him back, glaring harshly. "What sort of trick is this? Where did you get something so... so... tee hee, it's like a bobble head..."

Link swung the rod to the left. Ganondorf leaned left. Link swung it the right. Ganondorf stepped right. Link swung it left again. Ganondorf ran right into the barrier. The magic obstacle repelled him, blasting him heels over head into the opposite barrier which repeated the process. After several bounces the enchantment dropped; its creator twitching semi-consciously on the ground.

With a mighty cry Link threw his fist into the air. "I am the most powerful man alive!"

His princess companion trudged to his side. "Right... Keep telling that to yourself."

Offended, Link turned the fishing rod on her, wobbling it in her face.

"Stop that." Zelda tried to swat it away but Link moved just in time, still dangling the bobble. "I said stop that! You're so immature, you... you... rod... it's a _fishing_ rod..."

He had her in his spell. "You will remember my victory as being great and glorious," Link whispered, accompanying it by wiggling his fingers in her face.

Zelda nodded, her expression blank. "Mm. Yeah."

"Link is the best person ever..."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"You will be my girlfriend and give me lots of cash to buy things with..."

"HI-YA!" Midna dropped from the sky to deliver a flying roundhouse kick to the hero's skull. "No brainwashing the princess," she chided, snatching the fishing rod from his grip. As she took it into her hands, a feeling of authority engulfed her mind. She could do anything with the rod. It was her destiny. "Although..."

* * *

People are easily distracted by pretty coloured dangly things.


	13. Twilight Princess: Goodbyeish

_I hate to do two Twilight Princess chapters in a row, but that's the order the requests came in. And I cannot fight the requests..._

_Published September 22, 2010 _

**Twilight Princess: Goodbye-ish**

**Suggested by Anasazi Darkmoon**

Midna looked up at the Mirror of Twilight, her back to Link and Zelda. "And now, I must return to my world. So back into the mirror I go."

"You'll come back to visit every so often, won't you?" Link asked.

Midna blinked. "Huh? Why would I come visit?"

"Oh, no reason," Link muttered, looking away.

The Twilight Princess shrugged indifferently, walking to him. "Whatever, that was weird. Anyway, let's go, Link."

"Eh?"

Midna grabbed him by the arm, dragging the poor boy toward the mirror with minimal resistance. "We're going back to the Twilight Realm of course."

"EH? Whoa whoa whoa, why am I coming?" Link struggled against her grip, clawing to grab hold of anything within reach. He eventually latched his fingers around a stone edge. "I belong here!"

With a tough yank she dislodged him. "Nope. You're the Hero of Twilight, so you belong in the Twilight. See the correlation?"

"N-no! I want to be the Hero of Hyrule! Take it back, TAKE IT BACK! Zelda, help me out!"

The princess in question sent him a shrug. "Why would I care? We've met twice. I don't even know your last name."

"COME ON!"

A snap of her fingers activated the mirror. "Time to go. Now are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?"

The glowing ring seared an imprint into Link's eyes. In a moment, he knew what he had to do. "The easy way," he mumbled with a sigh.

Midna released him with a smile. "Excellent. Off you go."

A sense of dread filled Link's heart. He jerked around and booked it, running for a window. "I WILL BE FREE!"

Midna scowled, flying after him. "I knew deep down that you'd choose the hard way. I like it more like this anyway!"

"FREEEEE!" Link dove off the tenth floor temple-top, laughing maniacally to himself.

"The hell you are!" Midna curved down after him, her hair taking the form of a giant hand and snatching him up by the ankle. "You _lose_!"

"NO! NOOOOO!"

"A bunch of children," Zelda whispered to herself.

* * *

Imagine, if you will, a world where it is not rain that falls, but pointless black squares that rise as precipitation. A world where a Princess is really a Queen, but is called Princess for no true reason. And in this world, there is a man who does not know how, or why, he is there. But he stays, as the only way out is to pass the Trial of Ten Thousand Porcupines, and he knows not what that entails but fears asking. This is: the Twilight Realm.


	14. Majora's Mask: Wrong Kong

_Interesting story here. I was at my regular/weekend home, without Disgaea 4 for the first time all week, very fun game by the way, made sure I didn't write a think for the last five days and for that I apologize, so I restarted Majora's Mask. While playing, the postman ran by me at breakneck speed and I realized just how obsessed with the schedule he truly is. This was originally going to be a one shot, but it was too short. So I made it an ending. Back to requests for a bit after this one._

_Published October 1, 2011 _

**Majora's Mask: Wrong Kong**

The postman threw open his front door, stepping into the morning breeze with a brilliant smile perched on his face. "What a fine day," he announced to no one in particular. "It is the perfect day to do what I would do on any other day and collect mail, _because the daily schedule is law and to disobey the schedule is to disobey order, encourage anarchy and cement a one way ticket to hell_!"

He set off, passing by the terrorists-in-the-making Bombers and giving the gate guard a friendly greeting. The first mailbox on his route was in South Clock Town, just a minute east of his own living quarters. After a light jog he arrived. "Mailbox, withdraw all. Hat code: postman."

The mailbox gave a shudder, evidently sensing his Postman's Hat. "_Voice code accepted. There is no mail to withdraw._"

The postman recoiled in shock, eyes wide. "No mail? This is unprecedented! I, I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. But the next box will surely have the letters I seek."

He jogged south, stopping at the next box and entering his hat code. The mailbox gave the same response, announcing its emptiness. "Two mailboxes, both empty? South Clock Town must be at a standstill today. I must go to the North!" So he travelled to North Clock Town.

A cold sweat broke out across his body when that mailbox was also vacant of letters and parcels. "What? How is this so? There are only three more mailboxes... If this keeps up I will not be able to fulfil the afternoon's schedule!"

Two mailboxes ahead of the postman, Link used _his_ Postman's Hat to open it and withdraw the mail, dumping his findings in the sack his fairy was holding. "I don't think this is very ethical," he mumbled.

"Oh it's fine," Tatl said, hoisting the bag over her shoulder. "It'll all be back when we reset, and I've wanted to give this guy some payback for ages. He didn't accept my mail because the stamp was at 'an unregulated angle' once. Can you believe that?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

An ear-splitting roar split their ears. Full of fear, the heroes sprinted into South Clock Town, searching for the source of the shout. The mailman stood next to the Clock Tower, the mailbox shattered in his hands. "IF THERE IS NO MAIL THEN THERE IS NO SCHEDULE! THE SCHEDULE IS LAW! LAAAAW! RAAAAH!"

With another roar he grabbed a nearby woman who looked suspiciously similar to Fay Wray and began to scale the Clock Tower, shrieking like a maniac the whole time.

"He's a madman!" a carpenter cried, diving under a bench.

The postman didn't take long to reach the top, jumping around for no real reason while swinging his arms wildly. "What are you doing?" Skull Kid questioned, stupefied by the ridiculous sight.

"SCHEDULE! LAAAW!" The postman threw his hostage at Skull Kid. She crashed into him and they both fell from the tower, the small monster successfully serving as a meat cushion upon impact with the ground. He survived somehow.

The Happy Mask Salesman popped out from behind a trash can, snatching Majora's Mask. "Thank you." He disappeared.

Link and Tatl just stared. Link then put the mail back.

* * *

Oh god, I actually have to make a moral to this story? Um... Sometimes, the best solutions are the unorthodox ones. An unrelated event may have a larger impact on the main story than you'd expect. Best think twice before doing something as minor as raiding the mailboxes!_  
_


	15. Faces of Evil: OR ELSE

_I feel dirty writing this one. I wanted to put something out and this was... I don't even know. I'm so sorry for bringing up unwanted memories. I'll go back to requests now._

_Published November 5, 2011_

**Faces of Evil: OR ELSE**

"Join me Link, and I will make your face the greatest in Cordedi! Or else you will DIE!"

"Okay."

"WONDERFUL." Ganon placed a hand on Link's shoulder, guiding him deeper into his lair. "Come, Link, and we shall make your face the greatest!"

"Something tells me this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

"It is, my friend! A WORLD CONQUERING friendship! A friendship among friendly friends!"

"...I get the feeling I'll be usurping you by the end of the day."

* * *

When the villain offers the choice to join them or die, it isn't always a bad idea to genuinely consider it, or even accept. Ruling the world truly is all it's cracked up to be.


	16. Wind Waker: One in a Lifetime

_Exactly._

_Published November 8, 2011_

**Wind Waker: One in a Lifetime**

**Suggested by TwilightWakerofTime**

The heroes lay defeated atop Ganon's Tower, beat into unconsciousness by the evil king himself. The wicked man stood before his life's goal, the magnificent Triforce, the artefact that would make his dreams a reality. "Goddess, hear my wish!" he roared, facing the heavens. "Let this lost kingdom breathe the air of the true world, and put me in place as its ruler! Give Hyrule to ME!"

He stretched out his hand, the golden triangles floating just a touch away.

"Hm? That looks nice."

The King of Red Lions appeared from nowhere, poking the brilliant triangle before Ganondorf could. The Gerudo froze in place, staring in abject horror. "NO! It was to be mine, I waited so long!"

"What is it?" The King picked the Triforce out of the air, holding it up in the light. "What a weird thing. It looks kinda familiar. I wish I knew what it was."

The Triforce let out an amazing flash, rising out of his hands and into the watery heavens. "Hey..." It divided into three, the triangles shooting across the sky. The King flinched, recognition finally reaching his mind. "Oh, right, that was the Triforce. Cool. I wish I had gotten a doughnut." He walked away.

Ganondorf fell to his knees, vision no longer focused on the relic of his deepest desires. For untold centuries had he waited to come within a hair's breadth of it, to let his senses caress the sacred item. And now it was taken away, out of his reach once again.

"FUCK."

* * *

Regardless of how many heroes an evil overlord has defeated, it is best to never doubt that the designated fool will walk in and mess everything up should he hesitate for too long. Next time, try not to just stand there yelling at the sky, Ganny-boy!


	17. Ocarina of Time: Stop Right There!

_My last test of the semester will be in an hour, and it will be very easy, so to preemptively celebrate I am pushing this out. Enjoy!_

_Published December 9, 2011 _

**Ocarina of Time: Stop Right There!**

**Suggested by DarthPhoenixFire**

We begin today's story with another showdown between good and evil, the Hero of Time Link fighting the King of Evil Ganondorf. Their duel contains the usual amount of epic combat, an exchange between swordplay and magical weaponry. The hero currently held the upper hand, having reflected most of the usurper's attacks back at him.

Ganondorf held up his arms, gathering magic between his palms. "That's enough! This will be the last attack. Whoever is hit gets to die, sound fine?"

Link swung his sword back, charging up a spin attack. "Sounds good to me, Ganny-boy! Let's do this!"

"Heh, someone's cocky. All right, hero, enjoy _this!_"

He let loose the attack, the energy exploding into five zigzagging balls of light. As they came within range, Link started his counter.

Then reality stopped.

Link stood still, a motion blur behind his blade and five balls of lightning a few inches away from hitting his body. Ganondorf had his arms outstretched, jaw frozen in a snarl. "What's going on?" Link squeezed through his teeth.

"How the hell would I know?" Ganondorf hissed, eyelid twitching viciously. "You're the hero, you figure it out!"

"You have the age and experience. You're my only hope! Also, these are really, really hot."

In another world, a random guy crouched next to his frozen Nintendo 64. "Dammit. I hope I saved recently."

Back in Hyrule, their vision suddenly went black. When the world returned, Link stood at the entrance to the Spirit Temple. "Hurry up, Link!" Navi commanded. "We need to find the Sage of Spirit as fast as possible!"

"Sage of... Spirit? No... No, no! NOT AGAIN, NO!"

Back in his tower, Ganondorf was also quite befuddled. A Moblin was suddenly kneeling before him, the hero nowhere in sight. "Reports from Koume and Kotake are coming back positive," the pig reported.

"Koume and Kotake...? But they're..." His eyes widened, inspiration striking at that moment. "Order an evacuation of the castle. Send everyone except this list of individuals out the back door, and quietly. Also, weaken the magical supports keeping the castle floating above the lava. I have a plan..."

* * *

Hindsight really is a bitch, especially if you have a chance to put it to use.


	18. Adventure of Link: Death by 1000 Cuts

_Time for more endings, yaaay! _

_Published January 20, 2012_

**Adventure of Link: Death by a Thousand Cuts**

**Suggested by Foxpilot**

As Link burst through the door to the final room of his lengthy and more difficult than usual adventure, he saw his ultimate foe. Before him was a shadow sharing his shape, its dark blade already drawn.

"You go no further," the shadow spoke, its voice a twisted mockery of the hero's own. It ran forward, slashing. Link blocked the blow, countering immediately. However, the Dark Link attacked in an identical strike, cancelling his out. "It's pointless to fight back."

They traded a series of blows, his copy matching every strike. Getting an idea, Link ran back into a corner and crouched down, shield held up. "Let's see you beat this!"

Dark Link was quiet for a moment, unable to comprehend his line of thought. Deciding it was best not to think about it, the shadow went at him.

Link jabbed it in the ankle. Dark Link pulled back, blank face staring down at the hero. It tried to attack again, more cautiously this time, but found Link's sword poking into its feet. It growled, holding back but soon finding itself unable to resist taking a swing at him. Link poked it in the ankle.

It threw its head back and roared into the air, the dark clone's unstoppable rage being felt from miles away. Its red eyes all but burst into flame, all attention focused on the green man crouched in a corner. With one final swing, it came at Link.

A jab to the ankle depleted its life energy. Dark Link keeled over and disappeared immediately. Link stood up, cracked his knees back into place, and merrily approached the sleeping form of Princess Zelda.

* * *

If the level is too high, the toaster will burn your bread past the point of it being any form of food anymore. Make sure to adjust before use so that such tragedies will never occur.


End file.
